I am single but everything is going well, thank you

For forty years, Sarah, a journalist, has the beating heart. Today, she lives solo. But she does not feel alone. Nor frustrated. Nor desperate. And if celibacy is also a choice ?

Sarah Schmidt
– Updated on February 14, 2019 at 12:03


The friend who wants you the property you open the doors of his house. The arms also, kissing, outpouring – except with his wife, who is a little the mouth, but you’re used to. It offers a café and, as it would be a shame not to take advantage of this beautiful sun, you sit under his lime tree. A little later, his three children – two boys, one girl – are what looks to be a part of football. Your friend asks you your new. You answer that it will, a rupture almost. It is a little painful, but you slog, get out and love it. The glimmer of fright in the eyes of the father of the family. Time will do its work, the wound closes, like the others before it, like everyone before you.

This is what you would have liked to hear from the mouth of your old friend. Except that you have the right to : “So there I am under no concern to you ! You will find it easy to be a galant. “Silence. He returned to touiller. Me, I was almost burning me. With the coffee. And the verbal that, all of a sudden, stopped at the corner of my lips. Nevermind his “galant” – which gave me as a desire to smother it with the crinoline that I never reach… But, the face of so much solicitude, I was in two minds to ask him : “And you, when is it that you intend to make love again to your wife ? Properly, I want to say… ” Polite, I said nothing. When I returned home, I was in fury : in 2016, we have the right to be single ! Provided that you do not want to stay.

To the shock of my friend brewed at linden, his allergic reaction to celibacy is quite widespread : such as a hammer blow on the knee, it is a matter of reflex. The disease is such that even my search engine is contaminated : I typed “celibacy” on the Internet, I get ” meeting “. As in ” dating sites “, including the multitude pollutes the web. From one screen to the other, it is contagious : at the end of my remote control, that night, the ” bachelor ” – a short-sleeved shirt open on fleece mastered – will make the climb the temperature of the housewife. Because it will not remain alone for long, and that it is the promise of the show. Among the dozen or “bachelorettes” (sic) equally spread on his knees or his neck, he will eventually choose one of them. Together, they will find finally, the right path of life to two. Clap end. Climax of the program, the culmination of a human life – version cathodic and telegenic.

Since Turn game !, the tv was only interested in the singles than to the married. The film also, despite all the Bridget Jones – 1, 2, and 3. Happy end required : the couple is the future of man – and woman more. Celibacy, in itself, does not exist : it is only a default torque. Moreover, it is recalled by the dictionary to my tired brain : “it Is single one who is of age to be married or in a relationship, but is not. “Ah… oddly enough the idea that I am something other than a hollow, I called the next day, the historian Jean-Claude Bologne, author of’History of celibacy and the single (Hachette Literatures, “Plural”).

“Why celibacy is seen as a grey area in which we must quickly get out of it ? “


Can we be single and happy ?
Today, singles have shown that it is possible to exist and thrive outside of the sacro-saint couple. But they must fight against social pressure and family to live two, which remains very strong. Not to mention that they are sometimes themselves (…).

This simple question, his answer is clear : “Since Ancient times, the single is the one who refuses to participate in the life of the city and the renewal of generations. Societies are built on the nuclear family. The one who does not create his own family remains, therefore, to load of his own and of the world around them.

The single man is perceived as a dandy, necessarily sensualist and inconsistent : with nobody to look after her home, he spends all his life outside. Women are even more poorly views : supposed to spend the guardianship of a father to a husband, those who are emancipated, are, of course, women of bad life. Or, conversely, of the religious. Originally, the word “single” is related to the sky : one of the great figures of celibacy remains, therefore, the priest, linked to the divine, rather than earthly pleasures. “I am neither a nun, nor a pillar of the closed house, or an old girl graying at the expense of my parents. I have cats, I admit. But I had them when I was in a couple. Then it doesn’t count.

The obvious jumped out at me a few weeks after the kick of the lime. Like this, the radius fees. I had the intention of me grilling a small turkey fillet… But only one. Not two. Impossible : the turkeys are living as a couple, even under vacuum. The fact that I had to fold on a calf liver does not need not a line of ink, except to say that even the mini-markets think the lives of two. I parked my liver in my cart (so to speak) and I thought of the psychoanalyst Sophie Cadalen, author of Everything to please… and still single (Albin Michel). She said to me one day : “We are told that the 1970’s have changed everything, it claims to be free to change the partner when we want, to live one or two, but it is very theoretical. In reality, we all have ingrained in us the idea that in the single something is not turning round. Quickly, it is necessary to make it fit in the rank : the couple, who remains, at heart, the standard. “It does not erase schemes millennia in a case of sexual revolution. Even less to the radius of the costs.

To be quite honest, the singles exist, somewhere in the wonderful world of marketing. “Hedonists “, ” open “, ” curious “, according to the terms chosen by the pollsters, they have become a target : without family constraints, they would have more time and money to spend just for them – the rascals ! The figure of the unmarried-and-happy-to-be has ended up making a (small) place in the sun – between the parish priest and the old girl. Gleaned at random from my research on the Internet, its features have even become quite specific : “You like not having to render account to anyone, to sleep across the bed and you curl up with your cat in the evening on the couch eating ice cream. You love to go on a vacation alone, meet your friends whenever you want and laugh with them your small habits of single. “

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