Slow down to discover new experiences by staying connected to his emotions. According to Diana Richardson, who teaches the slow sex in her workshops since 1993, there is an urgent need to learn to give the floor to his body. “We have to slow down and be fully present in each moment of the sexual relationship instead of the love that is so intensely turned towards the orgasm that we miss the opportunity to feel the subtle nuances throughout the sexual union,” she wrote in the introduction to her book Slow Sex, to make love in consciousness. A conception of sexuality to the opposite of our prevailing culture, which does not associate the desire and the pleasure that the impulse and excitement.
“Put the slowness of the sexual encounter is the foundation of tantra and taoism, says Alain Héril, sex therapist, and trainer. This approach allows a remobilisation of our senses, it opens up a space for emotions and free them, especially the men, of the obligation of performance. “
Same observation for Mireille Dubois-Chevalier, physician, sexologist and marriage therapist, who considers the slowdown as the ” gateway to sex “. Whether to treat the problems of premature ejaculation or to give the binder, and desire in the relations in the long term. “This is not a coincidence,” she continues, if the pioneers of sexology modern, William Masters and Virginia Johnson, have developed the sensate focus, a method of exploration slow and conscious of the body, which makes it a laboratory for experimenting with sensory. “
Forget the performance
However, it is not enough to be convinced of the benefits of slowness in order to be put easily into practice.
“The most difficult part is probably to change the time-frame, explained Pilar Lopez, a therapist, and she is a relaxation therapist. In our culture, and therefore in our minds, the time must be profitable. Including the time of sexuality, in which a conditioning to go straight to the goal, i.e. orgasm. The slow sex, this is exactly the opposite : the pleasure, this is the way ; the caresses, the eyes are the sensations and the emotions associated with it. The head and the body are one. “
For Alain Héril, this change of temporality also allows you to put the other in the place of partner and not only to that instrument of pleasure. “By slowing down we become more aware of him or her, of her singularity, physical and emotional, we are in a relation of otherness and equality : each is both active and passive. “
A premise that may initially be confusing to men, but also to rid of a too heavy responsibility. “Many of them claim to be the one who bears full responsibility for the excitement and pleasure of their partner,” says sex therapist ; this rebalancing of roles allows everyone to give and receive, so to reduce pressure and frustration. “