They are more likely to be alone. Some, by choice. Others do not. Today, singles have shown that it is possible to exist and thrive outside of the sacro-saint couple. But they must fight against social pressure and family to live two, which remains very strong. Not to mention that they are sometimes to themselves.
– Updated on 6 February, 2019 16:36
“My existence in the solo, I live it to the full. I want to redo my life, but not at any price, ” explains Christelle, 35 years old, mother single, divorced for two years. “I take advantage of the variants of love : the tenderness that I find with my family and my daughter, the complicity that I share with my friends…” At a time when the marriage is no longer a rite of passage, where the life of a couple is thinking more in CDD than in CDI and where the society is more individualistic, we are all brought to experience periods of celibacy. Gone are the days where the Catherinettes were teased and the old boys turned into ridicule. Today, singles are assumed, and some do not hesitate to praise the merits of life in solo. Without turning it into a life project.
Among the solos, they are many to prove that it is possible to exist and thrive outside of the couple’s life, which is often far from being a long quiet river. Preferring a time at least, celibacy. For Lea, 41 years old, living alone is a choice. “I will marry not, I have seen too many disasters around me. On the other hand, I’m not saying that I don’t crack from time to time. Having a companion is appreciable, but not full-time. “As much as women, who have acquired their financial independence, have now the choice.
Exit the image of the single unfortunate and left behind. Up to a celibacy which can be a source of fulfillment. The key ? “Hanging oneself, to be more attentive to it, replied Dominique Contardo-Jacquelin, psychotherapist. Ask, “what would make me happy, the people I could meet…” And also, find other areas of self-realization that the couple : professional, artistic, associative, sporting… But the singles are nice prove that otherwise exist only in two is possible, and to enjoy a more positive image than before, they continue to disturb.
The couple is still the norm
Dominique Contardo-Jacquelin, is the author of Solitudes chosen, solitudes suffered, Oskar editions.
Jean-Michel Hirt has published The insolence of love, Albin Michel.
Isabelle was 37 years old. Today, she is single and without children. “During family meetings, I generate the indifference or annoyance. At work, I wipe all kinds of remarks. Previously, it made me jump. Now, I try to detach myself from this mirror that they project on me and that is not my reflection. “Even today, we continue to expect that the unmarried that it is a day half. If possible, before they have reached the thirties, decade fateful for all those who are not yet ” casés “. As for the quadras and fifty separate, it is their responsibility to rapidly turn the page and find someone without delay. “The pressure is in fact much more insidious,” says Florence Maillochon, a sociologist and researcher at the Ined. We are raised in an ideology very free, governed by the cult of individualism. There is no obligation to form a traditional family. But the incentive to be in a couple is still very heavy. “
Media, advertisements, dating sites,… Everywhere, it is the apology of the couple, which, in our society, so-called open-minded, is still the rule. It is a sign of socialisation and, it must be confessed, a way to make life more comfortable : to face life and its trials, to buy a house, travel, or just go to the hotel, two are better. In a world where everything is designed for couples, “it is difficult to be alone,” adds Jean-Michel Hirt, a psychoanalyst. A lot of people are convinced, and I believe, rightly, that the great adventure of a life is a love story. It is this that is most exciting. “