Meeting : the pitfalls of a lightning

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An intense burning, a wonderful pain… “happiness in the pure state” that is the thunderbolt can strike anyone, anytime, and often those who least expected it. Its main danger : to believe even more strongly in the illusion of the perfect agreement.

Marie-Laure Uberti
– Updated on February 19, 2019 at 10:28



Elsa Cayat, alive, as the desire

The psychoanalyst, who was murdered at Charlie Hebdo, January 7, 2015, is still there. In ” I don’t want to go there mom “, documentary in preparation, Antonio Fischetti, who was sent to the couch for Elsa, unearthing images of it moving. It speaks of desire, of love. Financed by crowdfunding, the project has achieved its objectives, but it is still possible to participate in the adventure.

When Peter crossed Sylvie, neither he nor she was looking for love. At least they were sure of it. He had to develop his loft and had to take advantage of his sumptuous apartment ; she was about to leave to study in California for three years. That evening, she organized a celebration for his departure. He landed in it on the arm of a wave of conquest, the shock ! “The attraction that I felt for Sylvie was so violent that I was scared,” remembers Peter. I didn’t want to believe it, I was lying to myself because this stroke of lightning disturbed my peace ! I left the evening convinced to stay there, but the next morning his presence I missed already. I called. “The same revelation in Sylvie :” as Soon as I saw Stone, I was mesmerized. I knew that my destiny to be played in that precise moment, that he was the mysterious piece of the puzzle that was missing to my happiness. When he phoned me, I made the decision totally crazy to cancel my departure. I’ve never regretted. “

Lightning, there are thousands. All tell the same thing. A meeting a sudden and violent that throws the lover on another planet where emotions, feelings and desire are at their peak. How does this type of meeting is it different from the other ? Can it lead to a lasting relationship ? Marie-Noëlle Schurmans and Loraine Dominicé, sociologists, Alain Delourme, doctor of psychology, and Elsa Cayat, psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, invites us to understand the mechanisms to better avoid traps.

In the thunderbolt, the other is deified

The coup de foudre is a love from the outset as a whole which calls into question the very existence of beings that it hits. Like spellbound, they no longer follow the normal steps of the process of intimisation and of the knowledge of the other, specific to birth a classical relationship.

The surprise effect short-circuits the thinking and considers the thought. “It’s like a physical shock, says Séverine. A blow on the head that changes colors, shapes. It no longer controls anything, it is propelled into orbit without a stop.” In an instant, the lovers feel alone in the world, without landmarks. A intense burning and it is a wonderful pain – consume them. Love at first sight, say the Anglo-Saxons : “love at first sight”, the happiness in the pure state. “It is a mixture of aspects to be intriguing and scary, magic of fate, a sudden condensed reports of life and death”, as defined by Marie-Noëlle Schurmans and Loraine Dominicé. This momentum fusional is based on a set of desires satisfied simultaneously : complicity, humor, sensuality, sexuality.

Where a “completeness” absolute. “It is also a shock, “specular””, said Alain Delourme. That is to say that unconsciously, each of the partners believes to be in a relationship with another self, a twin, a perfect image of him. But the thunderbolt is not a head-to-head narcissist, it is also a meeting paroxysmal during which “the other affects us, because, suddenly, he brings what we lack. And as we’re not conscious of it, the other is deified”, said Elsa Cayat.

It does not happen to others

No one is immune. Lightning can strike anyone, anytime. And, most often, it falls on those who least expected it. They are so surprised that they bear the brunt of what they believe to be ” the ” great love. To think that it only happens to others is a mistake that can cost very expensive. Caught in a flood of love, some are ready to drop everything on a whim, to leave a husband or wife, children, work. Expect to be encouraged to be more careful, to better understand that there may be a crisis, without immediately taking drastic decisions.

There is no predisposition at the stroke of lightning. But it is true, however, that some people rush willingly in conduct adolescent girls with, models, characters of fairy tales. They believe that true love must inevitably begin by this spell immediately, and then grow in a perfect harmony, sexual and mental, to disappear at the first disappointment. An illusion that media and cinema favour by exposing constantly of the love starlets as brief as frequent. The love remains in its infancy romantic facts of likes sensual and satisfying narcissistic.

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