And if he/she was deceiving me? Who has not asked one day the question? Especially at a time where you just need to click on a site to choose the one or the one with who play hooky. Road exit outstanding or philosophy of life, adultery is also being felt in different ways according to the covenant of the couple that we spent, but also according to its own history. Infidelity can be a cause of rupture, a simple accident or a test. Some choose to close their eyes or look the other way, while others are keen to know what it is.
To Robert Weiss, a doctor of psychology, a columnist for Psychology Today and a specialist in issues of intimacy and sexuality, the 10 following behaviours do not have evidential value, but they can help those who doubt the fidelity of their partner to see more clearly. In all cases, it is recommended to open the dialogue with his partner to understand what is the problem in the relationship.
Its appearance changes significantly
Your partner goes to plan, practice an activity, sports, changes hair salon, changes her wardrobe (more trendy, more sporty, more elegant, sexier…), he/she starts to attach much importance to her image, her looks, her figure. What is troubling is the sudden rupture with his style and his habits. When asked about the reasons for the change, asked him questions, he/she denies or trivializes, and annoys responds in generalities, such as ” I want to feel better in my body “…
He uses “secret” and the more frequent his phone or his computer
He/she had no password? He/she has one now. He/she spends more time on their screens, clears messages or texts, suddenly switched off his phone, that he/she wears almost all the time on him/her. Even in the bathroom. He/she consults frequently email, or screen, taking care to have the natural air, or even flippant. Try to borrow his phone because you forgot yours at work or at home and pay attention to the expression of his face. You will be able to make the difference between an air trivially annoyed or surprised, and an expression of panic a fugitive.
There are times when your spouse is unreachable
Especially when he/she is working late in the evening, he/she is on the road or between noon and two. He/she does not respond to your calls or to your text messages. This should alert, once again, is the change of behaviour. A recent change and that is not motivated by new working conditions.
Your spouse has a lot more or a lot less, desire for sex
Some infidels to increase their sexual responsiveness and call for significantly much more often than their spouse, while others are avoiding, shifty, sometimes to the point of suspending any sexual intimacy. Index: new sexual practices broke into your alcove (positions, caresses, “technical” fantasies) and you get the feeling that they are not the fruit of theoretical learning…
He/she is annoyed or aggressive towards you and/or your relationship with your
This is one of the effects common to the guilt of the unfaithful. For its behaviour to weigh less heavily on his conscience, he will address, directly or indirectly, many of the criticisms (often minors and unfair) to his spouse, to criticize the relationship, questioning your way of life, to criticize the couple as an institution. This hostility that helps it to give good conscience, can also be in some the first step towards a distancing that may lead to a separation. Some infidels have the guilt of “generous” : they distribute compliments, gifts, surprises of any kind. These rewards, that help them to live better their infidelity, are also intended to make a smoke screen so as not to be suspected.
Substantial changes in his employment of the time
Do some sport, see a friend, to render service to another, often work late in the evening, be obliged(e) to return to the office on the weekend to finish an urgent matter… In a blink of an eye, its employment in ordinary time is turned upside-down. If you ask him, he may have recourse to three types of reactions: explanations, pithy, évitantes, explanations very (too) detailed and followed by regret (too much) supported, or a counter-attack aggressively.
Withdrawals number and/or consequential damages which may be assorted gifts for you, your children, shopping for the house. Infidelity leads to additional spending and consumption patterns, new. This is easier to check when you have a joint account.
Friends avoiding, shy or even more present
Most of the time, there is at least one of your friends who is aware. In this case, it becomes less visible, is less present, to avoid being questioned or confronted with his disloyalty. When asked if he has noticed something special about our spouse, it kicks into touch, responding in generalities, putting an abrupt end to the exchange, diverting the conversation or so, it launches, you ensure that he didn’t notice anything, and, if that was the case, you would have said so. Some friends, very feelings can, on the contrary, to be even more present, more attentive than usual to compensate for their feelings of betrayal.
A privacy distance
The intimacy is made of complicity, empathy, tenderness. When one begins to exchange only the factual, general, that we no longer seek the connection with the other (telling what one lives, what one feels, desires, projects…) this means that the privacy is eroding and that the other may be committed emotionally and sexually elsewhere. His looks, his gestures, his intonations are, in general, the chip in the ear or reinforce a hunch, an impression.
Your spouse reacts to the word ” infidelity “
If the subject comes up in conversation (a reference to a book, a movie, a story of loved ones…), he manages to put an end to, or to deflect them as quickly as possible. If by chance, you probe by asking him his opinion on the matter, it will do too much or too little. He can launch into a plea for defence of values, the right of everyone to choose what suits him or the evolution (or regression) of manners. Just as it may feign a total lack of interest on the issue, to ensure that this is not the kind of subject that interests him. In any case, deploy your antennas to capture behind his vehemence or indifference feints, his embarrassment, his aggression or his impatience to change the subject. If you are dealing with an unbeliever who does not want to be outed, expect a counter-attack, very aggressive, culpability if you make doubts about his fidelity. To defend himself, he will not hesitate to accuse you of jealousy pathological, paranoid or a control freak.
Could you accept his infidelity?
What would happen if by chance your partner had an affair? Could you accept his infidelity? True betrayal for some, teaching for others, the infidelity calls into question our most fundamental needs for absolute stability or performance. What’s in it for you ?