You confide in them, you spend time with them, you like them. This is normal, these are your friends. However, the attendance of some of them is not always fulfilling, nor beneficial. Portrait-robot 6 – ” false friends “.
1 – The Me I
He tells you his last vacation, its conflicts and its cares at work, the ups and downs of her marriage, but also his dreams, his fears, his projects. In confidence, in privacy. This is what are friends for and it is precious. The problem is the distribution of speaking time and listening. Overall, he speaks, you listen. And when it comes your turn, either a phone call or an emergency greatly shorten your speaking time. If this is not the case, he is listening, but interrupting you to drag and drop personal anecdotes, or you will regularly face for you know that he follows without, however, actually involving them in the exchange. Listening is a superficial, basic, it is sometimes hard to hide his impatience.
What is at stake : His narcissism demands an audience, an audience, “faithful” and dedicated to listening. You play this role. The needs of his ego make it difficult or impossible for an egalitarian relationship. You are his friend, the inverse remains to be proven.
The board : Note the times where he puts an abrupt end to the conversation after having himself taken a long time and the time where you find distracted, impatient, not listening. This will help you to put the facts on your widespread feeling of frustration and to feel legitimate in the day where you’ll want to broach the subject with him.
2 – The non-empathic
You appreciate his frankness, his gaze sharpened and the relevance of his criticisms, but you tell yourself regularly that it might put a bit more softness and roundness in its communication. The pretext can be of service, he stabbed his truths, gives advice and often makes gaffes that put you in the lurch, but make it laugh. In his version of the less gross kind, one who lacks empathy is the friend in a hurry, distracted, always between two appointments, and who grieves, when you talk about it, not having felt your sadness, hear your problems, saw your distress. It is to be understood, he himself was tired, stressed, sick… in Short, he always has a good excuse for not having decoded the messages, or to your sides.
What is at stake : a self-centeredness powerful. The need to feel alive in the gaze of the other, to give substance to its existence in the putting in scene, in “événementialisant” the slightest fact. This may also be the selfishness pure and simple : to be too centered on the self and its life, it has a lot of trouble to deploy its antennas to the other.
The board : Take into account and give value to your emotions. If you have been disappointed or hurt, there is no reason to keep silent or to do as if. To express his feelings when it is negative, is one of the conditions for a genuine relationship and also the way to evolve the other. Your life has as much interest as hers.
3 – The envious
Nothing massive, openly unpleasant but small remarks sweet and sour, of the questions in the form of implied negative (the mood takes very often the form of aggression, passive), an enthusiasm, a moderate (or even a bit forced) to share your successes, your achievements, on which it passes quickly or that he is attempting to play down (invoking for example your chance instead of renting your talent) or to devalue through humor (” two fingers of retirement, the promo ! “). However, it is very present when you do not go well. The other index, it will point in priority, under the pretext of being intimate, and therefore honest with you, everything that is wrong with you or around you, or anything that could be better (your scarred face, your apartment would be great with a balcony or a few square metres of more, etc). It may also be that the desire takes on the form of the competition : it manages to be (and the show) always a little or a lot “more” than you.
What is at stake : a rivalry is present in all your trades even if you’re not aware of. Over time, and unconsciously, you minorez your successes, you’t feel guilty about gifts that life sends you, you show more generous with him than the reverse to compensate.
The board : imagine you are listening to your feelings and impressions, because at the heart of us, we know when the affection, generosity outweigh the desire ; we see the reluctance jealous. If we do agree, it is probably because we rejouons something of our score family. Every one has to read it and decipher for linking it with his current relationship.