What is it that triggers the orgasm?

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Unpredictable and fragile, female enjoyment is more mysterious than the man. Less ” mechanical “, it is subject to many parameters of the emotions that can block it. Self-esteem, letting go, trust in the other… Here is the key to better yield.

Fast or slow, intense or casual, easy, or laborious… The female orgasm is an enjoyment fragile, unpredictable, that arises while it is not expected or eclipse in spite of promising beginnings. Why is it more difficult for women than for men? Because the concerns of men are based more on the desire than pleasure: it is not ‘ will I enjoy ? “but,” will I bend ? “. The women know, they, that their pleasure is independent of their desire. So far, far away from the easy recipes, we can try to understand and remove the blockages.

The self-esteem

This self-confidence that helps them to live better lives, is essential in the access to the female orgasm. In terms of sexuality, it passes by the confidence in his body, and the image that it returns. Nothing to do with a perfect body: on the contrary, the obsession with perfection can create an inner conflict, such as the fear of to be naked, the refusal to be caressed in certain areas or the control of his image for the love… The measurements, the shape of the breast or the size of the thighs have nothing to do with the deep certainty that the body has the ability to give and receive pleasure.

Own this cozy feeling of security, it is to stop thinking orgasm in terms of challenge, learning to enjoy at his own pace, don’t focus on the pleasure of the partner, don’t wait for ours to be exclusively dependent of his own; it is, finally, accept that orgasm is the natural expression of a sexual enjoyment that only belongs to itself. Have confidence in yourself, it still escapes the gaze feeling guilty of centuries past – “women are honest do not have fun” – and to the injunctions implied by ours – ” Enjoyment and compulsory in all positions “. Nobody knows better that every woman with whom, when and how she wants to make love. “Enjoy more than the neighbour, fantasizing more than his colleague, or to have more lovers that his girlfriend can only lead us to a dead end,” says sex therapist Alain Héril.

Letting go

For many women, the pleasure is disturbing – psychologically, the penetration is never insignificant. They do not cease to alternate between envy of the penis and fear of the intrusion. Depending on the day, according to the times, these two sentiments succeed each other. “If the pleasure is expected, and even demanded, in advance, the psychoanalyst Catherine White (author of The sexuality of women is not the magazines (La Martinière), he continues to worry about the unconscious of women, because they may be afraid of being invaded, and doubts of their ability to accommodate the man’s penis. ”

This concern is added to that of being overwhelmed, swept away by the orgasm, that we are called not for nothing ” little death “. Enjoy this risk does he not swallow? Why do they not let go to listen for that small voice that can guide them toward orgasm? Because they are afraid that this voice reveals things not very pleasant on themselves, a little disgusting, even? Or the utter filth that would come out of their mouth, such as the toads escaping the lips of the nasty girls in the fairy tales? Women are afraid to discover that their pleasure is unfaithful to what they believe and would like to be. Letting go of these unconscious fears is possible when the brain can disconnect in order to concentrate on the sensations felt.

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